ASIDE: EMBRACE THE GRAY
Here’s a little-known fact—I pray. Not so much “pray,” but I converse, in my head, with whatever or whoever will listen. Every evening and every morning, I run through thoughts of appreciation and gratitude for what I’ve been blessed with.
Recently, I’ve begun to be thankful for all the people and moments in my life. I’m grateful for everything—for those who’ve always been by my side, for those who’ve turned their back on me, for every time my heart’s been broken or repaired, for both the bullies and those who’ve defended me. I acknowledge my mistakes and sins, as well as my moments of selflessness. Regardless of whether those people were good or those moments bad, I accept it all. And in that, I’ve found a present peace that outshines the regrets of my past and the constantly uncertain future.
Whether straight and flat, or steep and rocky, every stretch of my path has helped lead me here—to the Now. This very moment. This Now. I highly recommend you pause and digest that concept, in hopes that, maybe, it’ll put some perspective in your life. I’ll lie awake, studying that dark ceiling that hangs over me and embrace all that has happened to me, solely because those interactions and individuals have put me under this roof with my amazing wife and children. All of it has allowed me to be happy and generally healthy. Food, water and shelter are available to me, thanks to those people and moments who’ve assisted me in carving my path through life’s forest.
After thinking I had figured it all out, my perspective was intensified after I saw Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer—a tale of the tragic (correct use of the word) physicist, J. Robert Oppenheimer, best known in history for developing the first atomic bomb. Aside from the messages on the surface (war, creation and destruction), the movie spoke to me in another way. The biopic beautifully presents us with a figure of great contradictions—and that is what resonated with me most. The movie didn’t present us with a figure that was two-dimensional, rather one that couldn’t be categorized as “black” or “white.” In fact, the film didn’t portray any of its individuals as one who would sit on an extreme edge of either side on the morality spectrum.
For the following days, I felt a density in me that I cannot explain. There was an illuminating understanding that I was close to discovering but couldn’t put my finger on.
It made me look at my evening/morning “prayers” from another angle. Though I’ve isolated people and moments into one of two categories— “good” and “bad”—I’ve come away with an outcome that I view as “beautifully gray.” While applying that concept to the very people and moments that define it, I asked myself, “Shouldn’t I consider us all “beautifully gray”? Especially Now?
If we all took a moment before instantly summarizing an individual that we have so little information about, perhaps we’d see that there’s more to them than meets the eye. I know my own smart remarks and dark humor don’t summarize my being. My skills in art are only a fraction of what people know about me. There’s much below the surface that we don’t allow one another to see. Another’s perception of who we are as individuals is based on very little.
Regardless of one’s race, ethnicity, gender, sexual preference, political leanings, etc., I’d like to believe that our individual existences are gray. Though we are varying hues of gray, we are not entirely good or bad, but a combination of both—a similarity that should always outweigh our differences.
The past years have been incredibly divisive ones. It’s become a very confusing time aggravated by great amounts of misinformation, all of which has covertly turned us against one another. It’s a time where opinion is confused with fact, where anyone who disagrees with your viewpoint is immediately deemed an enemy. Individually, we interpret and speak through our own perception of the world, but perception is not fact. It’s just a loftier way of saying opinion. I don’t know about you, but I’ve spoken with many individuals who’ve told me how their home, a place I’m lucky enough to view as a sanctuary, has been divided by the politics and propaganda in this nation. It’s an exceptionally sad thought.
— Lukesh
